Rachel’s Weblog

August 8, 2008

More Learning…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by rlaughlin @ 3:34 am

I’m frustrated.  I clench my teeth and growl at Margie.  I’m trying hard to control my actions because I am so angry.  I have a headache and my muscles feel like jelly.  Peace is not in my vocabulary.  There’s something wrong with me.

I know a temporary fix but that is not an option.  Stop and evaluate.  I haven’t done my mediation since Saturday.  I haven’t taken time for me.  This whole week I have done for others and nothing for myself.

For tonight I’m going to finish what I started, put Margie to bed, turn off the tv, computer and some lights and then I’m going to meditate and ask God for help.  I hope that will help with these feelings because my jaws are starting to hurt from the clenching.  And my heart feels like it’s fluttering in my chest.

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3 Comments »

  1. I want you to hear part of my Journal entry from yesterday:

    “Today is one of those days when I don’t feel like doing a damn thing with Cali (her behavior has been horrid). Do other Moms have these “down” days? Why doesn’t playing with kids day in and day out come naturally for me? I wish it did, but it doesn’t. I envy the Moms who bounce out of bed with a smile on their face with activities and fun outings planned for their kids. I wish I didn’t have to work so hard at it. I wish I didn’t have days when I felt like doing a line of Blow to get me through the rough spot. I wonder if other Moms struggle the way I do. I wonder.”

    Once again…you’re not alone. I ran across this quote yesterday:

    ‘Most things get better by themselves. Most things, in fact, are better by morning.’ ~ Lewis Thomas

    Hugs and I hope you have a better day.

    Comment by April — August 8, 2008 @ 5:09 pm |Reply

  2. Oh yeah. Another thing. Every time I feel the “urge” to use…I put a bead on a string. It’s kind of encouraging to see a string of beads after awhile…knowing you beat the urge and got through another day…another craving.

    Comment by April — August 8, 2008 @ 5:10 pm |Reply

  3. I like the bead idea!

    Comment by rlaughlin — August 9, 2008 @ 5:30 am |Reply


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